The Latest Toy

The latest toy has just hit the shops – a talking Muslim doll.

Nobody knows what the hell it says, cause no one’s got the balls to pull the cord.

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Free Healthcare

If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport – you’ll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and, if you mention Al Qaeda, you’ll get a free colonoscopy.

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A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It’s after midnight. While en route home he asks the cab driver if he would be a witness. 

The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cab driver agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cab driver tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back , and there is his wife in bed with another man!

The husband puts a gun to the naked man’s head.

The wife shouts, ‘Don’t do it! I lied to you when I told you I inherited money.

HE paid for the Corvette I gave you.

HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.

HE paid for your BC Lions season tickets.

HE paid for our house at Whistler.

HE paid for our country club membership at Morgan Creek, and HE even pays the monthly dues!’

Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cab driver and says, 
’What would you do?

The cab driver replies, ‘I’d cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.’

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So a guy in Virgina takes his 16 yr old daughter to see the doctor.  During the examination the doctor asks him "Is she sexually active?"  To which he responds "Nah, she just lies there like her mama".Tags: , ,

I’m only the messenger…

I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.

Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.

If they didn’t get help, they’d surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff ‘s Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.

I’m starting to think I wasted two stamps.

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You have got to read this – not sure if its funny or sad….

Why History Teachers Drink